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Audio Refugees • View topic - "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

"Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

This is the place to go for preliminary critiques if you're interested in getting some community feedback on improvements to your song BEFORE entering it into the Audiopolis Review System. Don't come in expecting nothing but praise - this is a place to get advice and learn about making your tunes better.

"Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby HUD » Thu Jul 21, 2011 5:37 pm

Well, les get this pahty stahted...
Wrote this Monday & Tuesday, practiced yesterday, recorded acoustic guit & vocal, each straight through.
I'm picturing this as bass, clean electric, acoustic guit, drums, backup vox.
It maybe seems a little long, but I need all of it to get through the story, and think that added texture, color and tapdancing will keep it interesting.
The idea originated from a scary Dr Who episode called "Blink", all about some weeping angels.


Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)
words & music - Daniel P Hudelson

Laughing, playing, running down the hall
What’s around the bend, we don’t care at all
Never a worry for reason or for rhyme
Every moment longer than a lifetime

Never more laughs than when it’s open season
Running in a pack, ever so pleasing
There, the plump one, kick it in the bum
Funny, crying, turn and run

Never hear it never really listening
Grandfather clock
Like the turtle creeping ‘cross the garden
Never really move
Don’t bother to prove
Cause they don’t really move
So we think

Suddenly the Christmas tree is smaller-
Not looking for toys, looking for the dollar
Surrender to a pair of dancing eyes
No time for reason, reaching for the prize

Watch and learn , join the adventure
Join the firm it’s time to be indentured
We’re a plump one, happy as they come
Ever more fleeting, each fistful of fun

Never hear it never really listening
Grandfather clock
Like the statues weeping in the garden
Never really move
Don’t bother to prove
Cause they don’t really move
So we think

Simple mathematics and history, telling us where we’re heading
(they’re) Drawing closer when we don’t look, less pleasant to behold
Now filling our hearts with mortal terror, face-to-face
Angels weeping, once lovely in the distance
Angels weeping, once lovely in the distance

Sitting in the garden, watch the children play
They’re so loud, rude things they say
Summer’s too hot, pray the sun will set
Pray for the dark without regret

Laughing, playing, running down the hall
What’s around the bend, we don’t care at all
Never a worry for reason or for rhyme
Every moment longer than a lifetime

Never heard it never really listened
Grandfather clock
Like the angels weeping in the garden
Never seemed to move
Didn’t bother to prove
But they only move
When we blink

Angels weeping, once lovely in the distance
Attachments
Angels-FirstMix.mp3
(6.63 MiB) Downloaded 373 times
As I returned across the lands I'd known
I recognized the fields where I'd once played
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid
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Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby cjdenecia » Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:36 pm

I'm familiar with th episode - obviously inspired by and not about .... fair enough.

yeah - well .... really sorta love the acoustic and style and progression ... the song was near it's end before I could place the vocals comfortably over it though. mostly cus the lyrics are soooooooo busy. and chance you might wanna chop 'em up some? more sustained lines? spaces? no? ok - but even though I'm sure you're not familiar enough with it yet to really sing it with confidence - therefore, far more polish - I do think it could stand to be a lot less wordy - it might always sound shoehorned in. the bed style is stephen stills and the vocals are jethro tull (sorta and sorta respectively)

but drums (with a solid beat - no pauses, rests, hiccups or non groove grooves), bass, maybe some electric .... acoustic is too strong to allow a piano or any keys standing in it's way. a great fiddle player might work too.

early stage 2 cents - that.
you can't handle the truth.

nor do you want to ...
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Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby HUD » Fri Jul 22, 2011 6:31 pm

Well thanks cj... my only friend in this lonely place :*(
I guess you'd think "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General" was too wordy...well that was its point. I was thinking of a lyrical delivery similar to The Hollies' "Stop! Stop! Stop!" Some Squeeze tunes like that too. Snappy rhymes and syllables, and feel like a need every last one of 'em. But I might consider where some editing might help. Could knock the tempo back down from 140 to 130, but then it's a 5:00 song. Would love a few more opinions here.
Funny guy about the drum beat, obviously dredging up again that "To Be With You" ...that I recorded round 1995. Think I've gotten slightly better since then. Still think "Drowning" was just fine in that regard, BTW. Did you think "Stranger of Every" had problems groovewise?
I've been actually wondering whether I like that intro, which is supposed to be a foretaste of the bridge, but maybe too different from the verse.
The ending was just kinda stuck on there for now, sounding a little too tidy and poppish, until I figure out something better.
I do appreciate your listen and input, cj.
So you like Dr Who? I actually joinded a forum and shit...might as well talk about whatever, since this seems to be as good a place as any for a private conversation...
As I returned across the lands I'd known
I recognized the fields where I'd once played
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid
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Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby cjdenecia » Sat Jul 23, 2011 1:23 am

you can't handle the truth.

nor do you want to ...
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Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby Krispy » Sun Jul 24, 2011 12:24 pm

To save time, assume I know everything
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Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby HUD » Sun Jul 24, 2011 4:46 pm

Glad you could join us, Krisp.
I was thinking about changing the into to just be a half the verse progression, also wondering whether the vocal entrance wasn't feeling right with the current intro.
Like I said, I do feel like I need all them words work through the idea. But I'm uploaded a guitar-only mp3 here. Maybe you two could put your heads together on how you'd like to re-work the vocals, slice 'n' dice and whatever. I'm not afraid of sharing writing credits here.
I wasn't trying to be scary in any macabre presention sense, but sobering subject matter hiding behind a sing songy thing.
I'm kinda more a 10th doctor guy myself, but Matt Smith has had more consistent material than Tennant had. Like the timey-wimey stuff more than monster-of-the-week stuff.
Attachments
AcousticGuitar.mp3
(4.47 MiB) Downloaded 345 times
As I returned across the lands I'd known
I recognized the fields where I'd once played
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid
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HUD
 
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Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2008 2:27 pm

Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby Krispy » Sun Jul 24, 2011 7:42 pm

To save time, assume I know everything
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Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby mistertroll » Sun Jul 24, 2011 10:50 pm

Keep your booger hook off the bang switch and nobody gets hurt.

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Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby HUD » Tue Jul 26, 2011 2:55 pm

Thanks for the input, Mr Troll.
As I returned across the lands I'd known
I recognized the fields where I'd once played
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid
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Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby mistertroll » Tue Jul 26, 2011 9:51 pm

Keep your booger hook off the bang switch and nobody gets hurt.

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Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby cjdenecia » Wed Jul 27, 2011 12:30 am

... anyway - before it gets all urinated in here for absolutely no reason - grabbed a copy of the guitar part and have listened to it a couple of times and am currently trying to wrap the gray matter around the arrangement. I got distracted by a foot scrubbing and some silly litigation support writings I had to do, as well as having to justify why I don't wanna vote in the UK to some spanish dude who shits rice and throws around gold.

but that doesn't mean I'm not thinking seriously about sticking my oar in the water. as long as you have a moment or two to ponder the meaning of "pull your finger out" while I get to it.
you can't handle the truth.

nor do you want to ...
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Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby Steve Ison » Mon Aug 22, 2011 3:12 pm

I thought it was really cool n creative Hud..I like the vocal line n disagree with cj and Kim that there's too many words..It is what it is-and the vocal line ('specially the verse) is instantly followable n natural..
Definitely get the Jethro Tull vibe..
A good hand percussion feel'd go really well
Productionwise (if you develop it) i reckon def don't have that big reverby sound on the lead voc or acoustic-'cos they are busy..Keep them pretty dry..Add the spaciness from other instruments/Kim doing angelic harmonies etc..It'll make it seem more approachable and let people follow the lyrics more clearly..
Keepin' it unreal
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Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby HUD » Mon Aug 22, 2011 3:40 pm

Thanks so much for stopping by, SteveL. I'll definitely take your suggestions under consideration.
I've been kind of distracted the past few weeks - thought maybe I'd get something from cj, but no worries there.
Definitely need to get back on this. Laid down some drums, but it's looking like it'll be more trouble than often - I had this mapped out for 140 bpm, but all my loops sounded too busy, so I mapped it at half time or 70 bpm. So I found then found some loops I liked, but they're created for 90 bpm and sound unnatural, slowed to 70. SO...I'll use'm as a guide to lay out individual drum hits...(anybody still readin?? :roll: )
As I returned across the lands I'd known
I recognized the fields where I'd once played
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid
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Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby cjdenecia » Mon Aug 22, 2011 3:48 pm

you can't handle the truth.

nor do you want to ...
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Re: "Angels Weeping (Once Lovely in the Distance)"

Postby steban » Mon Aug 22, 2011 11:10 pm

I just rewatched that episode recently. I didn't pick up on the direct reference until after I'd read a few lyrics and was hearing it.

Good song, Hud, and I love the use of stuff even at this level of pop culture, hey I have Me and You and Dr Who, so why not?

It reminds me of a Dead song, one of those classic western outlaw ballads, but you do have that Tull unabashed teller of other kinds of stories, with just a touch of the New Bohemians in the melody, but isn't all that almost unavoidable?

For those guys it always seemed like a good excuse to get carried away in the jam. You need a lot of words sometimes, and somehow the song remains the same almost.

I like it raw and unplugged and new sounding. It may one day change, I may, blink, but I respect this one.

Not very scary, though!
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